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» BFF (NaBloPoMo 20)

The other day I asked my Twitter followers if they had best friends, specifying that I meant a best friend outside of a spouse/significant other or a sibling. The overwhelming majority said yes, indeed, they did, but the majority who expounded said they lived geographically far away from their best friend(s). I got to thinking about this because I spent the day in Olympia with one of my favorite friends, a girl who I have been close to, on and off, since 7th grade. We can always pick up where we left off, and have a great time together. Her son was born the day after Eriana, and I am SO excited she and her family are just a few hours away.

But.

She isn’t my best friend. She never really was. Even if part of high school I considered her to be one of my best friends, I was never really hers. There was always someone else to whom she was closer. And I get that! It’s fine. Another close friend in high school was someone I considered my best friend, but I was “one of” hers. She had another best friend who was pretty protective of that title. Another thing I get. My best friend in high school was a guy, a guy on whom I secretly harbored a crush for most of our friendship. When we finally decided to try a relationship past friendship our friendship fell apart. And that was that. My last best friend was a fellow Air Force wife in Jim’s squadron in Altus. After we left for Japan I spoke to her one other time. And just like that she cut me out of her life. (That’s often the case with military families: you’re either cut off completely because it’s easier to make a clean break, or you carry on a lifelong friendship because you’ve been kindred spirits. I prefer the latter method, but obviously this lady did not.) At the time there was no Facebook, and she didn’t want a MySpace, and I don’t think she’s on Facebook now. I have recently contacted her on Pinterest, but to no avail. In Japan I had really great friends, but again no best friend. But we had couple friends, which was wonderful, and what I truly love. And then we moved back to my hometown, where everything was different.

My point is: I don’t have a best friend, outside of Jim and my younger sister. They are the closest people to me. And Jim has a best friend other than me, and my sister has several (and also is 2000+ miles away and is in a different place in her life than I am). I do have several friends with whom I can pick up like no time has been missed. I also have a great many Internet-turned-real life friends with whom I communicate every day or several times per week, but only see once or twice a year (a few who live closer I see more often, but even then it’s just every few months). These are my favorite friends: the ones I can hang out with and not worry about whether they still like me.

I have made a few friends here; two were online friends before I moved. I am sort of mourning the loss of my circle of friends in Oklahoma. I had a super great friend who was just a couple of hours away who made an effort to spend time with me. I had an old friend with whom I got to have lunch every couple of weeks and could spend effortless time with whenever I needed it. I had a group of lovely women at my church who reached out to me, cared about me, drank with me, and seemed to genuinely enjoy my company. But I didn’t have a best friend there, either. And I wonder if I didn’t miss it as much because of the sheer number of people I knew in Oklahoma. And because my life changed so drastically while I lived there (mourning our loss, getting a job, getting a different job, having Eriana, etc. etc. etc.). I really enjoy my few friends here, and one with whom I’ve been spending extra time is an absolute joy. And I know that when I get a job, and when I get out more, and as we get more settled we will make friends, and I might be jumping the gun, being so sad and desperate six months in. Maybe it’s just this time of year, too, that’s making me sad.

I guess I don’t really have a point, despite loosely making one a couple of paragraphs ago. So. Good talk.

I realized I’ve discussed this before. Sorry I’m a broken record.

 


4 Comments

  1. Laura Diniwilk
    November 21, 2013 06:44

    Me eeeeeither, and this is actually on my NaBloPoMo list of things to discuss as well. I have Justin and internet friends and book club friends and work friends and high school friends who are still friends but live far away, and that’s IT. And I don’t have a sister so there is no automatic built in friend there either. No one who I am super close to that lives nearby. When Justin and I almost got divorced this was one of the things I kept thinking about – very little support system, and who would I hang out with? More cats and I’d suddenly get really active on Twitter, I suppose.

    So yeah. I feel ya. It’s not like it’s something I spend a ton of time thinking about, but I always am a little bit jealous of those people who are like “my best friend and i….” followed by some super fun story.



  2. april
    November 21, 2013 09:37

    I’m here too. I would technically consider that I have a best friend (I replied on twitter) who lives in Delaware, who I met online years ago (eight?) and we have visited each other a lot for as far as we live from eachother and I went to her wedding … but it’s still hard to keep up with that friendship.

    I had a best friend that I met in college, and she was my ONE. I saw her every week, we shared everything together. She started distancing herself from me about a month before my wedding, was barely there for me for my wedding at all and then afterward stopped talking to me. It was nothing about me, she had met someone online that she left her husband for and decided that she wanted to cut herself off from her entire previous life. But it was terribly hurtful and I wouldn’t even say I’m over it seven years later even though we’re facebook friends now.

    It’s hard not to have close proximity close friends, but it’s also so hard to find them when you are not in high school or college. I mourn this quite often.



  3. Jesabes
    November 21, 2013 12:02

    I don’t have a best friend, either, and I never really have. There was a girl who was my closest friend in high school, but I wasn’t her closest friend (which was fine! Actually, it was nice because I really liked the other girl, too.)

    I have a lot of acquaintance-type friends now, close ones with which I can pick up anytime and talk about anything with, but…it’s not the same as a best friend. I don’t necessarily feel it all the time, but you just know who of those people is BEST friends with each other and I get jealous sometimes. Why is it never me?

    I do (finally!) have a pretty good social life, though, with Bunco, mom’s club, and church small group, so at least I get out, which helps :)



  4. april
    November 21, 2013 19:36

    I’m trying this again.

    I mentioned to you on twitter, but I consider that I have a best friend, who I met online through blogs about 8 years ago. She lives more than 1000 miles away in Delaware, but we’ve visit each other lots and my whole family went up for her wedding. If I needed to call someone in the middle of the night and for some reason couldn’t talk to C or my mother, I’d call her.

    But it’s hard not to have close close-proximity friends. My best friend who I would consider My One was my college best friend. We were together all the time, but about a month before my wedding she started distancing herself from me. She checked out for my wedding and didn’t help at all (C’s cousin really stepped up, she was amazing) and after the wedding she just stopped talking to me altogether. She then left her husband for someone she met online (I preach on the evils of WoW) and cut herself off from her entire former life. Although that was nearly seven years ago, I still haven’t quite gotten over it. She and I are now facebook friends, but I don’t think I’ll ever put my faith in another woman like I did with her.

    I miss that.



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