Your long-awaited Twitter Favorites for August! WOOHOO!
@agirlandaboy: August 1, 2012: I guess we’re sort of protesting CFA by taking our kids to an event celebrating the publication of a book about a fringe gay community.
@lynnettielou: August 1, 2012: I just told the baby I want to re-absorb him. Things are getting weird.
@Swistle: August 2, 2012: The meek are not inheriting the earth fast enough for me.
@MegglesP: August 3, 2012: It’s not a family vacation until someone is crying.
@MariaMelee: August 3, 2012: My kid just shit all over the bathroom floor. And then helpful “cleaned” it by PEEING ON IT. Happy Friday.
@TubaSheila: August 3, 2012: Retail therapy on Friday night, in WalMart. In redneck USA. It’s more awesome than you can imagine.
@jonniker: August 3, 2012: Have you guys seen the BUTTS on these lady divers? I am SO JEALOUS.
@awkwardlysocial: August 4, 2012: My vagina dries up and blows away when I hear the phrase “man cave.”
@NASeason: August 4, 2012: I’ll see your man cold, and raise you an injured butch lesbian.
@lauradiniwilk: August 5, 2012: Oh twitter. I leave you alone for one night and you go from baseball player VPL to corkscrew pig penises in less than 20 tweets.
@stirrupqueens: August 5, 2012: Read sign as “Rest Stop: Fuck. Rest. Restaurant” instead of “fuel” as the first option, and I thought, that is one special rest stop.
@jonniker: August 6, 2012: Spent the morning deep cleaning my washing machine and the rumors are true, friends. Being a SAHM is as sexy as it sounds.
@booksnchickens: August 6, 2012: Realized the conversation with the guy on the plane was so confusing because he thought I went to a logging conference.
@TwoAdults: August 6, 2012: ”Mama, I have boogies in my nose and they’re JUST for you!” My son the giver.
@alldressedup: August 6, 2012: My husband just informed me that the cat swished his tail at him in a “fuck you-ing-ly” manner. I understood perfectly.
@grace1234: August 7, 2012: Convincing my kid that Emergen-C is soda was one of the greatest things I’ve ever managed as a mother.
@notperfect: August 7, 2012: I barely walk across the room without injuring myself; watching the gymnastics floor routines makes me highly suspicious of fairies & magic.
@HonestToddler: August 8, 2012: Hey sorry, guys. We’re going to be late. For everything. From now on.
@alldressedup: August 8, 2012: Next time I have kids, I’m going to order some that have adjustable volumes. Because this “silence or 11″ crap is for the birds.
@booksnchickens: August 8, 2012: I am beginning to suspect I’m a bitch. Finally. Took me long enough.
@booksnchickens: August 8, 2012: I keep trying to turn off lights in the house, but they’re already off. It’s the sun. -This tweet brought to you by Seattle.
@booksnchickens: August 9, 2012: ”You are invisible.” Way to bruise my Internet ego, g-chat.
[In response to me tweeting about someone coming over to look at a Craigslist listing:] @AndYouKnow: August 9, 2012: @mrsdangelo You should be like, May I tweet a photo of you in case you’re a murderer?
[After Kammah was pressured into signing up for The Blathering:] @Incog: August 9, 2012: @booksnchickens @mrsdangelo @Andyouknow @snoozical Twitter is a little bit like those bad kids that you see in the after-school specials.
@bryanmosher: August 10, 2012: Poop. #whatsonyourshirtthismorning ?
[Regarding how Lara (who is Canadian) met her boyfriend:] @booksnchickens: August 10, 2012: @purplelara Are you SURE there’s not some hockey or free healthcare involved?
@HappilyEverMe: August 11, 2012: Earlier today I grew tired of H’s incessant questioning and responded with a “Your mama’s!” H: Your what?? Me and G: *hysterical laughter*
@AnnabelleSpeaks: August 12, 2012: Simon just gave himself a hicky latching on his arm because I was taking too long to get him a b00b. So we’re not applying to Mensa yet.
@jonniker: August 12, 2012: Sam, just now, “Mommy, you CAN fuckin’ do it! Don’t say that you can’t!”
@bryanmosher: August 14, 2012: My children think I’m a *far* better dancer than I really am… I think I have about three more years to enjoy this.
@jonniker: August 14, 2012: Y’all. My old Cabbage Patch Kid has polygamy hair. What the hell?
@kate_welsh: August 14, 2012: THE DOG ATE THE CORD STUMP. IT CAME OFF AND THE DOG ATE IT.
I think that’s a good note to stop on for now.