Another episode of Twitter favorites for your reading pleasure! (I had a LOT of favorites in June, so you’ll get this episode in 3 parts!)
@TwoAdults: June 4, 2012: Whenever I see the Captchas with the odd-ball grainy pictures of numbers that I have to squint at, I feel as if the terrorists have won.
@DonnaMcKee: June 4, 2012: I had THE most fucked up dreams last night. I think I might have malaria or something.
@Kate_Welsh: June 4, 2012: Just saw a guy get tased at Target. I usually leave with more than I intended to, but a ride with the police takes that to a new level.
@booksnchickens: June 5, 2012: It’s super fun to shock people by telling them how young I was when I got married. (In case you’re wondering: 8. It was mail-order.)
@letmepeeinpeace: June 5, 2012: My kids love Kraft Singles so much that I have to hide them. I only get the ones with 2% milk though, otherwise it would be unhealthy.
@julaver: June 5, 2012: Nobody let my grandma watch any of the Queen’s jubilee stuff, or she’ll be sorely disappointed in her birthday party.
@TemerityJane: June 5, 2012: You must understand, Internet, I don’t allow affection outside of strictly scheduled hours, which Phil CALLOUSLY DISREGARDS ON THE REGULAR.
@alldressedup: June 5, 2012: It’s 10pm and I would cut a bitch for some nachos.
During a lengthy Twitter conversation about when people slept with their spouses for the first time…:
@JesabesBlog: June 5, 2012: Also, I now have the song “True Love Waits” stuck in my head. (and in case you’re wondering, we didn’t)
@NASeason: June 6, 2012: Between the romance novels and the first-date-doers, Twitter seems to have gotten a bit… sexier.
I tweeted about Eriana saying/signing “please” for a bottle of wine and then came this reply:
@rntamara: June 6, 2012: At least wait till 5 pm! Ha!
@TemerityJane: June 6, 2012: Phil’s yelling, “WHY ARE YOU GETTING SMARTER?,” at Pen while I hide in the pantry so I don’t have to share my banana. Parents of the year!
@snoozical: June 6, 2012: Just entered 90210 as my zip code for something. On accident.
@Kate_Welsh: June 6, 2012: Things that will never not drive me crazy: People who don’t understand the difference between “weary” and “wary.” It’s not that hard.
@TemerityJane: June 6, 2012: I swear the UPS guy farted directly onto the package he just delivered right before he rang the doorbell.
@Julaver: June 6, 2012: My folks have been married 42 years today. They made a deal that whoever asks for a divorce gets the kids, so, still married. Love you guys!
@LizScott: June 7, 2012: So, you know you and your friends are of a Certain Age when bachelorette-party gift suggestions start with: “A round of Clomid”
After Jonna had a baby 10 minutes after getting to the hospital while still wearing her maxidress:
@TemerityJane: June 7, 2012: Basically, I think what we have all learned from @jonniker today is that no matter how you imagine your birth may go, fuck you.
@alldressedup: June 8, 2012: Sometimes I’m sad that I’m not a classy lady. Then I remember that classy ladies don’t say “cock-juggling thunder cunt” and I’m not so sad.
@TemerityJane: June 8, 2012: I’m also the person who reads the pamphlet in the tampon box. “Ok, just checking to make sure that’s still where we’re putting them.”
@lebean: June 8, 2012: “Girl, you are thick as shit. I want to put you on a plate and eat you with biscuits.” Said by a rather scrawny white boy. It happened.
@TemerityJane: June 9, 2012: I’m not sure if my Kindle isn’t staying charged as long as it used to, or if I’m overtaxing it with hash browns and butts.
@AndreAnnaRose: June 10, 2012: ”I’m still hungry,” says my 3-yo after finishing dinner. “Have a banana” I tell him. “NO. MAKE ME BACON.” I’d be mad if that wasn’t awesome.
@TwoAdults: June 10, 2012: While buying the second 50 Shades book at Target, I spotted a guy buying Axe Body Spray. We were knee-deep in cliches right there.
@dashoff: June 11, 2012: I hate it when I can’t tell if I’m against something for good reasons or because of anxiety. Maybe I should worry on it for a while.
@TemerityJane: June 11, 2012: Kind of sick of “But what does he SEE in me?” female romantic leads. Where are all the “Fuck yeah he loves me, I rule!” ladies, authors?