Well, you guys, I think Jim and I came to an agreement about our future. After Eriana we thought she would probably be our only. And we were okay with that. But as time passed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t done. I’d be sad that I was done. I’d think about a child with a different demeanor than our wonderfully crazy girl, and see Jim’s features in her face and wish I could do it again. But until I got pregnant accidentally, I still didn’t think we’d do the whole pregnancy and newborn thing again. And then the miscarriage decided that we wouldn’t be doing it then. I was willing. I was okay with figuring out how to put aside my fears and going through nine months of puking and pain and dealing with the possibility of another loss. Jim was not. He was fine with our one, amazing miracle girl. We thought for awhile, and talked a lot, and we finally made a decision. Sort of.
We’re waiting. We think we’ll try to start the adoption process for a toddler-aged child in about 2-3 years. We don’t want to rule out adopting an infant, but we for sure don’t want to adopt a child older than Eriana. The two countries I have looked at through my agency of choice, Ethiopia and Ghana, are only adopting out ages 4+ and 3+, respectively. If this doesn’t change, potentially we could adopt a child 2-3 years younger than Eriana. International adoption is scary, and expensive, and there are lots of factors to take into account when adopting either an infant or an older child. There are always risks associated with physical or psychological problems, and I have read my fair share of heartbreaking stories that involve families not getting what they wanted out of the adoption process, sometimes not even being able to bring a child home at all. But even though we are thinking about adoption down the road, we may decide against that, eventually. We may stick with our wonderful one, and just leave our family at three. We’ll see.
So basically I’m writing to tell you that we have decided to keep thinking, keep wondering, and keep an open mind. But we’ve decided, pretty completely conclusively, that there will be no more pregnancies or natural-born babies in our family. If there were to be another surprise then we would be open, but we’ll be continuing to protect against that happening. I still don’t think I’m done, but there are a lot of things to take into account of bringing another child into our family, including our financial situation, my continuing education and career plans, and Eriana’s well-being. Eriana would be a fantastic big sister. But she’s an awesome only child.
She’s basically just awesome in general.