Our Little Geekling

Do you ever wish that fertility were transferable? I mean, I am done with mine (I don’t know if I’m done becoming a parent; I would duplicate Eriana a million times over if I could. But I’m done with my fertility – I don’t know that my psyche could handle pregnancy again.). But I have lots of friends (more than I like to say, because it makes me sad) who need to be more fertile, who WANT to be more fertile. Meanwhile, I have to make actual effort to NOT use my fertility. I have to (TMI alert!): use birth control, or make an appointment to have an IUD put in (which seems the best option, except the last time I had one inserted I passed out and went into convulsions, so I’ve been dragging my feet on making an appointment; plus, my cycle is so, so messed up that I can’t determine for the OB/GYN’s office when my cycle will start so they can tell me the best time for my appointment), or figure out if I’m REALLY ready, at the age of 29, for permanent birth control. And my friends are struggling with infertility or miscarriages or a little of both. And then this shows up on Facebook (posted by several people; just so we’re clear, I’m not targeting one person specifically for the insensitivity I see in this issue):

and it pisses me off because some people evidently don’t get that pregnancy is NOT a joke for a lot of people! A lot of people (myself included) associate pregnancy with fear or anxiety or death.

So I just want to transfer my fertility. It took us 2 weeks to get pregnant the first time, and 2 months to get pregnant the second time. I’m fertile, but for me two easily achieved, healthy pregnancies didn’t translate into two healthy, living children. I don’t want to be pregnant again. If I got pregnant again our insurance company had better weigh the costs of my psychological health over permanent birth control. I want to give my fertility away. Maybe to the friend who has blogged about her infertility, struggles with IVF, and eventual removal of BOTH fallopian tubes? Maybe to the friend who doesn’t ovulate regularly, got pregnant against all odds, then miscarried and has not (at least not publicly)? Maybe to the IRL friend who has one incredible and beautiful daughter, but can’t seem to get pregnant with a second child? I would gladly give my fertility to any of these amazing women, and they are just a few.

But I can’t. And that kills me. Because I have this thing that I no longer need. And they need it. And I don’t know how I can help them.

Maybe she can bring smiles to the faces of these beautiful friends.